You’re making your boobs smaller?? On purpose??
I get the same response EVERY time I tell someone the news. You want smaller boobs? WHY?
Beginning quite young, my boobs started growing when I was 10 and by the time 6th grade hit, I was already a C cup. I quickly received the “big-boobed girl” stamp and held it on my chest all the way through high school. They grew a cup size every year, and even now, they continue to grow. To this day, I am burdened with G cup-sized breasts.
Why did I finally choose to have this surgery at such a young age? It’s simple: the con’s immensely outweighed the pro’s.
Shopping? I’ll pass.
For starters, everything I wore makes my body look bigger. Anything that doesn’t cinch in around my waist makes my body look bigger than it is. Having a smaller waist, I want to wear shirts that accentuate the waist, however doing so makes my boobs look ridiculously large. I felt like Anna Nicole Smith every time I wore sometime remotely form fitting. Blouses are difficult. They fit my body but the material pulled so much at my boobs that my bra was no longer the thing shaping my boobs. Normally a size 8 or 10 in dresses, I was having to buy sizes around 14 or 16 because others crushed my boobs, also making it hard to breathe. Some tops even became unintentional crop tops. Bralettes? That’s a joke. Button down shirts were clean-swept from my closet because of one too many incidences of a busted button or two.
Swimsuit season? LOL
This was treacherous territory. NOTHING fit. Target swimsuits, Victoria’s Secret swim suits and basically any store in the mall vetoed my chest, maxing out their sizes at an XL. Their suits could fit up to a D, or maybe a DD, but absolutely not a G. Before this past summer, I was wearing old XL swimsuit tops that, too, made me resemble an adult film star, simply because I hadn’t had found anything that had fit correctly. Finally, my mother suggested we look online to get a customized size. Almost every top was from a “plus size” site, and I am not a plus sized person. Very few were as cute as the Victoria’s Secret Swim collection I had to delete. My bust is a 34, and the beginning sizes were around 42. Evidently, It was very rare that a 34 busted woman would have G’s, annoyingly hung from their chest.
To some people, I am seen as an object. Men’s eyes glide past my face and zero in on my boobs. I’ve gotten so used to being looked at so objectively that I’m a professional ignorer walking past any male I know isn’t looking at my face. Intoxicated men are the worst. No girl should have to listen to rude comments like “damn those doubles” or “Can I take a picture with you?” (due to never having seen bigger boobs in person) or just the normal “damn” with eyes obviously staring at my breats.
Everyone experiences back pain. Maybe you’re sitting in the car for too long, or maybe you lifted something that was just a bit too heavy, putting stress on your lower back.
Now imagine that pain come and go all the time.
The amount of constant pain that stressed my lower back is difficult to explain. It isn’t excruciating, but its dull and constant. When I stand, when I lean over something, when I sit down… the pain grows and then dulls, however it just never goes away.
Back in March, I completed my fourth ½ marathon. Since I’ve done them before, I understand the race and the possible pains that go along with it. The last time I had done one was when I was fourteen. I was eighteen, back in March. I was SO excited. I ran the whole way. At the very end, after I passed the finish line, my legs felt like lead and right as I stopped, my back flared up in an inexplicable amount of pain.
There are many risks that go along with surgery. As someone whose has never been put under before, truthfully, I am nervous. However, I know that doing so will not only decrease (hopefully disappear) the pain that I feel every day, but increase my happiness too. I’m excited for the new life that is waiting for me after surgery. I’m excited to finally wear clothes I couldn’t wear before. I’m excited to wear swimsuits from a catalog. I’m excited for the pain to go away.
You could say I’m ready for this weight to be lifted.
Previously published on The Odyssey